One of the best teachers I’ve ever had about the intersection of courage and confidence is my child, Avery. Back when she was in kindergarten, we had a series of conversations about what it means to be brave that shaped how we’ve talked about bravery and confidence throughout her life so far.

It started in early September when her kindergarten class was getting ready to go on their yearly field trip to visit the local fire department. As we were eating breakfast together before school, we talked about what question Avery would ask the firefighters if she had a chance the day. She surprised me when she paused and said, “I would ask them, ‘How do you stay brave?’”

Well, that is a really good question.

And even though she didn’t have a chance to ask it that day because they spent more time looking at the fire engines than asking questions, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Later that fall, Avery had her first Running Club cross-country meet. She’d been looking forward to being part of Running Club for a year. When she got there though, she was overwhelmed by the crowds and everyone watching. She didn’t run, but walked behind all the other kids who were running while feeling nervous and mad. When she told me the story afterward, she said, “Mama, it was a disaster.”

So the next week, we prepped by talking all about having fun and remembering that she can run right next to her friends. We talked about how it was similar to when she conquered the big slide at the zoo the previous year – she could feel nervous and scared but still try again. We talked about how we can actually feel all these feelings at the same time.

She was super excited as we got there and jumped right in to having fun with her friends as they ran around before starting to stretch. And then – SMACK! Avery and another girl collided and Avery had her first huge nose bleed.

She was bleeding and crying and scared. Luckily her dad and I were right there along with another parent Avery knew and then another parent who is a doctor was called over. It was determined her nose was not broken. But she was so upset and didn’t want to run anymore.

So I joined her for team stretches. (It’s amazing what you stop caring about when helping your kid. Holding hands with courage and embarrassment by stretching in front of all the parents who make me nervous too? No problem.) Then another parent who works with the team took her by the hand when they did their practice “walk” on the route so she didn’t have to do it alone. By the time they finished the practice walk and her friends gathered around her again, she was ready to run and completed the race.

We went out for ice cream later and talked about what happened. I reminded her about what she wanted to ask the firefighters, and said, “After you had your nose bleed and felt so sad, how did you find your brave so you could get up and run?”

She sat there thinking and then looked up at me and said, “I had help. People helping me helped me feel brave.”

Looking at the day through the lens of gathering evidence of her own bravery became a way to help her see she was afraid and did it anyway and that listening to others and letting them care for her helped too. She then had confidence to join in again at the handful of meets that season.

Many lessons about courage and confidence have happened between kindergarten and today when she’s somehow almost 16. We still talk about courage and confidence from a place of gathering evidence of how she’s found bravery, how she’s finished something when it was hard, how she’s learned something new. And now she’s even started to remind me of how my own past moments of courage prove that I too can find confidence to learn and try new things.

Want to dive in deeper today?

Take a few moments and think about how you found your bravery when you were younger like Avery. Were there adults in your life who modeled confidence in tough situations?

Now ask yourself: How do you stay brave? How do you keep going when the hard stuff happens or when you don’t know what to do?

Taking time to reflect like this is one way we can keep flexing our confidence muscles within our own lives and as we lead others. Putting pen to paper for deeper reflection helps us move beyond the stuck thoughts of anxiety and worry so we can be present in what we know to be true about ourselves.