If you take a workshop with me, one thing you will notice is that I am not afraid of a long, and I mean very long, pause.
Let me explain.
When I was in school and a teacher would say, “Does anyone else want to share/ask a question/make an observation?” I almost always did but rarely raised my hand. Do you know that feeling? The push inside to share that tangles with the fears of everyone looking at you or you saying the wrong thing and the list goes on. I can feel it right in the pit of my stomach as I remember.
When I teach, my assumption is that everyone in the room in unique, which means they learn differently, have different needs, are introverted and extroverted and somewhere in between, may have lots or little experience with the projects we’re doing. They also bring the season of life they are living in and whatever life is handing them at the moment. All of this is in the room around us when we gather.
It’s important to me to meet my students where they are. This means, when I create space where we can share our experiences and what we’ve created, I want them to feel comfortable in the choice to share or not. Because mindfulness, what I think of as the act of being present, is central to my work, I use these moments of sharing to teach about it, even though I don’t overtly say that. Here’s what I do.
When the time for writing (or creating or painting etc) comes to a close, I will ask if anyone wants share what they wrote or about their experience writing. And I wait. Someone will volunteer. This pretty much always happens whether the group is 5 people or 25. After that person shares, I will thank them (we don’t give feedback in most of the creative groups I facilitate). Then I say, “Anyone else?”
And I wait.
And sometimes I wait for a minute or even two or even three. And yes, three minutes feels like a lifetime even though I’m used to it.
We sit. I often smile slightly because that’s who I am. And I slow my breathing, which often invites others to do the same.
Eventually someone will volunteer.
We repeat this several times.
In those pauses, I know some people are uncomfortable, some are setting clear boundaries in their minds that they will not share, others are tapping into that space where courage meets vulnerability to get to that moment of saying, “I’ll go next.” All experiences and feelings are welcome in this space.
What I’m trying to do is model presence as we move through the experience together. In a workshop of any kind, choosing to share is vulnerable for many. Whether the room is full of colleagues or strangers, it is a brave choice to say, “I have something worth saying out loud to all of you.” And of course we have those who love to share and talk and sometimes take up space to the point that some don’t feel comfortable sharing. No one sets out to do that, but it happens.
So I I stay very present with my body and mind while we’re sharing. I thank people after they share to create a closing moment – a space between each person.
And I pause.
And I wait.
The goal is to literally create space for all who show up. In that space, some will share, others will stay quiet, but hopefully with intentional presence, all have the opportunity to feel taken care of and to realize however they show up is brave, welcome, and important.
Whether you are facilitating an experience, sitting with your kids or friends, at a meal with your partner, don’t be afraid of the pause. In that pause we have the opportunity to invite others to bring their awareness inward so we can be present with one another no matter what the moments bring our way.