Jim Detert, a professor at the University of Virginia’s Darden School of Business and author of Choosing Courage: The Everyday Guide to Being Brave at Work, focuses his research on workplace courage. When Seekers speak truth to power and have other challenging conversations, he believes that building trust beforehand and presenting as being warm and competent can significantly influence how their message is received.

Detert says, “Your odds that people will see your courageous suggestion as well-intentioned and worth acting on are higher if you’ve spent time establishing your warmth and competence beforehand.”  

A combination of goodwill and strong performance provides a positive formula. Warmth builds trust through small, kind acts that show one cares for others. Nonverbal expressions of warmth include smiling and eye contact, and verbal expressions include a positive tone and appreciative language. This shows others that you genuinely care about them and are not a threat.

While facilitating a community leadership program in Ohio, I led a series of exercises centered on engagement and courage. Early on, I noticed one staff member was particularly hesitant—even skeptical. Rather than trying to “mind-read” her resistance (which never works), I decided to lead with curiosity.

I sat down with her over lunch and offered a sense of warmth as I listened to her story. It turned out she was navigating the pain of significant funding cuts and declining participation in her programs. By simply “seeing” her and validating the bravery it takes to lead through such a challenging time, the atmosphere shifted.

Once she felt that genuine warmth and support, her affect completely flipped. She began to recognize her own competence and the inherent value of her work, moving from a place of “stink-eye” skepticism to active, energized participation.

Next Steps:

• What is one “small, kind act” you can perform this week for someone you find difficult to work with, purely to establish warmth without an immediate agenda?

• In your recent interactions, have you spent more time proving your own competence or “seeing” and validating the bravery and competence of those around you?

• Before your next “truth to power” moment, what specific evidence can you gather to show your message is well-intentioned and focused on the collective good rather than personal gain?

This article is an excerpt from Courage Keepers: A Guide to Brave Leadership and Inspiring Bold Action in Others, available on September 17, 2